I’d first like to start by apologizing. I know this is delayed – I didn’t realize that those of you readers out there need Home Sweet Homme to get through the week. I did get all of your responses, however, so this one’s to you! Now, this was actually written a few days ago, but I’ve been told that it is a bit controversial, so I apologize in advance to those of you offended by this post – namely Mamma J and The Big Guy. Enjoy!
In Late October, The Wife accepted a position in Spokane, Washington. At the time, we had been living in Las Vegas, Nevada – not to be confused with Las Vegas, New Mexico (home of the dirtiest toilets in the world!). In a whirlwind move, The Wife gave her notice at her position in Las Vegas and moved in with her aunt and uncle in Spokane. I felt bad for them. She was there for 3 weeks and trashed the place. We still get invited over for Wednesday Soup Nights, but I don’t know why. She had her stuff everywhere. When we arrived, it was four boxes and two tubs. When she moved out, it took 4 trips to move everything over to the house. Another time, we took The gUrt over for dinner for Wednesday Soup Night right around Christmas. Within three minutes, he managed to eat half their toys into chunks and started grabbing toys off the Christmas Tree. It was like a pirate who just stormed a ship – pillaging everything in site. Man, I felt so bad that we proceeded to bring him two more nights. The third Wednesday Soup Night at their house, he was so annoying that he is no longer invited. That’s so embarrassing. I uninvited him, but that’s because I could see it coming down the pipe anyway. “Hey, Ash, ssssoooo…Hogan’s real nice and all, but…why don’t you plan on…leav…” – thanks, but I’ll cut you off at the pass! By the way, I think The Big Guy and Mamma J (my Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law) are a little jealous of Wednesday Soup Nights. They used to live in Spokane years ago and came up with the concept. Then The Wife decided we’d do it with aunt and uncle. So I thought I’d do some Wednesday Soup Nights T-Shirts. I think I’d use a Cup-O-Noodles cup on the back and then say Wednesday Soup Nights on the front left or right chest. Then I’ll put above the Cup-O-Noodles this: “What’s my weakness? SOUP!” Yeah, that’d be so sweet. I’m rambling.
So – Whirlwind Move – yes, The Wife was in Spokane in 3 weeks. I stayed behind in Las Vegas and packed the house. It was crazy – I packed the entire house in 1 week. The movers came on a Thursday and packed everything up (remind me to tell that story – WOAH) , then I drove to the Northwest, my new home. Now, this whole move was two weeks earlier than I had hoped for. My plan was to send the movers off on a Tuesday and then drive up to San Francisco from Las Vegas, stay there for a day, drive up the coast from San Francisco to Tillamook and stay there for a couple days and let The gUrt play on the beach. Then I’d leave, drive to Seattle, hang out with ServiceSucksNick (my Cousin-In-Law) for a day, then head over these crazy mountains to Spokane. That’s right, drive some really high mountains in December between Seattle & Spokane. Yes, I was going to do all of that – and all the while, leave The Wife to receive the movers in Spokane. What a guy huh? Well, I was quickly brought back to reality and we pushed the date forward 2 weeks to beat this HUGE snowstorm that Spokane could get. Mind you, when I agreed to move to Spokane, I said I would do it on one condition – that I could get a snowmobile. Correct that, two conditions. That I could get TWO snowmobiles. The Wife made fun of me, but I suggested that snowmobiles were needed in Spokane to get around in the winter. She quickly corrected me and told me that Spokane barely get’s much snow in the winter. So here she is saying one minute that Spokane doesn’t get much snow, but then that we needed to be up there two weeks earlier to beat the snow? What gives? I think she was just jealous of the “Ash and Hogan Road Show” and that she wasn’t going to be able to attend. That’s what I think. So we did it her way and moved up 2 weeks early.
We moved in and we were comfortable in our new digs. She was right, the weather was really nice. For 6 Days. That’s right folks – 6 days. Spokane proceeded to receive 61 inches of snow. FIVE FEET of snow. And here I am, Mr. Las Vegas, and I’m out side every hour shoveling snow. To the point that I had 8 feet of snow on either side of the three car driveway and broke my back trying to lift it over the hump to remove it. The first couple of weeks, I was meticulous with my shoveling. I would shovel to the edge, then I would cut the edge and shovel snow away so there was a clean sliced edge along each side of the driveway. All the neighbors probably thought, “Look at this A-Hole, he’s spending way to much time shoveling. Most people would just shovel to the sides and then toss it on the edges in this half-assed manner. Some would even leave one bay of their driveway un-shoveled and even stack some of the snow on it. I thought that was “real smart.” I laugh at them now because they have these driveways that have 8 feet of hard packed snow in them. Some people, the one’s with the extra car they don’t drive, didn’t shovel them out. Now those cars won’t go anywhere until next August! HAH! Not the Ash & Hogan Show – no way, our driveway is perfectly groomed!
I spent the better part of December and the beginning of January in pain. It was a good pain, but I thought my back was broken. So, we decided to break down and get a snow-blower – or snow-thrower for the fanatic readers! I’ll tell you that whole debacle another time, but I managed to buy one online and have it delivered. It took 2 weeks. I shoveled that whole time just waiting for the day that the snow-blower would arrive. I couldn’t wait! I wanted to go out and buy gas and oil and all the fixings, but I didn’t know what I’d need, so I just waited. About 2 days before the snow-blower arrived (January 8), it stopped snowing. They delivered it, I went out and bought the gas can, filled it up, bought the oil, then I came home and fired that bad boy up! OH YEAH – it’s a beast. It will tear through a snowstorm like a hot knife through butter. Just beautiful!
